Homecoming
For some
of us, the coming home was inspired by a compelling photograph, a disturbing
video, a friend’s encouragement. For me, it came in the form of
a young calf on his way to slaughter. Up until the day I met him —
or, rather, the day he was sent off to die — I viewed myself as
a good animal lover, by treating cats and dogs well, not wearing fur,
and doing my active part to stop the annual baby seal slaughter. But all
the while, I was eating animals — and complicit in an unseen, unheard,
and unimaginable suffering.
Those many
years ago, I had befriended a cow who lived on a small ranch not too far
from home, and after school, I’d commune with her, feed her apples
and scratch her back. I liked to think we both looked forward to the visits;
they had become a routine part of our lives.
How much
did Cow trust me? A lot, I would say. For when her calf was born and less
than a week old, she brought him from across the field to greet me. Not
more than two feet away, her baby lay down in the grass, and Cow began
to groom him, right there, right in front of me, as if I were part of
her family. She was so close, in fact, I wasn’t able to get her
and the calf entirely within the view finder of my camera, as evidenced
by the pictures on this page.
I felt honored.
I WAS honored.
So imagine
our pain as I lay in my bed that night with an opened window, crying as
I listened to her bellowing in vain — still mourning the loss of
her baby, a week-old calf who’d been hauled to the vealers that
morning. Hers was a cry I have NEVER forgotten; it cut through the dark
of that night like a razor, and through the center of my soul in its wake.
The shock
was profound; how could I have missed it all those years of dutiful animal
defending? I was EATING them — their legs and faces, their livers
and intestines — and somehow believing my actions were sanctified
by some god, justified by some necessity, and that every one of those
beings gave up their lives — and their babies — willingly.
I haven’t
eaten an animal since. I owe my awakening to that sad and beloved little
calf on his way to slaughter and to the mother who painfully mourned his
loss. The price they paid wasn’t worth it, but still I am grateful
for the homecoming they gave me, for the salvaging of my soul.